I’m not really one for Maths. I can’t surf (unfortunately). I don’t have a bloody clue about physics and now it appears I can’t cross the road without supervision.
Here I am standing on a street in Glasgow about to cross the road. It’s not a green man but it’s very quiet and there isn’t much traffic about. So, off I go, and just as I take my first few steps to cross the street I realise a car is about to turn the corner.
I speed up to try to outrun the car but then realise that the road is a hell of a lot wider than I thought, stupid Glasgow grid system. I momentarily reconsider and decide to commit and speed up again, giving me the appearance of a weird human bobble-head. I thought the fact that I was more than half way across the road would mean the driver of the car would go around the back of me but I don’t know if they haven’t seen me or if Karma is particularly strong today because low and behold the car does not slow down or take the corner wide.
So here I am, trying to outrun a car as fast as my wee legs can carry me. My heart is pounding in my ears, my feet are flapping off the floor like I’m wearing flippers and my screech could probably be heard only by the dogs in the immediate vicinity. I can see the car out of the corner of my eye which is now so close that my body is sort of bracing and ready for impact. How am I going to get to my top floor flat with broken legs?!
But then, finally, I’m on the pavement, the car has stopped, the driver is screaming at me from inside and I smile manically as I realise I’ve just survived a near death experience which blatantly was my own fault. In fact, I’m so shaken up that after shouting (read: shrieking) my apologies to the driver of the car and taking a few deep breaths (read: hyperventilate for thirty seconds), I turn to an elderly man waiting to cross the road and scream “I ALMOST DIED OH MY GOD” which was much to the embarrassment of the person with me.
Basically, I tried to outrun a car and due to the fact that I resemble Phoebe from Friends when trying to move any faster than a brisk walk, I almost ended up in hospital. Stay safe out there kids.