Merry Crisis

Christmas eve eve. A day of last minute preparation, wrapping, card writing and for some of us shopping. It’s god awful isn’t it. How in the name of Jesus H. Christ have I managed to get to this day without being completely prepared? Well, considering I quit my full-time bar job to give myself more free time to apply for other jobs, write and generally, organise my shambolic life I really do not know. It’s a mystery. I should have had all my presents wrapped in late November. Yet here I am at 10am on December 23rd, 2018 battling through the hordes of shoppers in Dundee of all places and desperately searching for a Christmas stocking. I’m very warm, my phone is going to die and as is always the case, I’m quite hungry. Also, the prospect of being in this shopping centre where I am guaranteed to spend the little money that I have, is making my palms sweat. I am stressed to say the least. Worse still, is the issue that unsurprisingly two days before Christmas I can’t find a Christmas stocking in any of my go-to shops. Primark it is.


Found a stocking. The issue is that it’s for my Mum and it’s Harry Potter themed. It says Hogwarts on it. Oh well, it’s the thought that counts. I just want to get her a stocking and fill it with wee things because she’s been doing one for me for two decades. Hopefully she doesn’t mind that it’s maroon velvet and has a magical Latin motto on the front. I still can’t believe I left it this late to get the last-minute bits and pieces I need. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I manage my time in an effective way? Actually, speaking of time my ticket for the car park is about to run out.


Okay so back in the car and have managed to gather all of the things I need to complete my Christmas shopping list. Very pleased but also now wondering when I’ll have a chance to covertly wrap them all without the recipients catching on. Christmas is DIFFICULT. Okay, so driving out of the car park and the roads are even busier than they were on arrival which basically means it’s going to take me around one whole lifetime to get home. Just a rough estimation. Driving down a very narrow street the car in front of me has stopped I think to give people coming the other enough room to get by. But five cars have now gone by and the blue car in front of me still has not moved. A police car has pulled up behind me, I am panicking despite the fact I have done nothing wrong. The blue car is completely unmoving. I’m getting frustrated now because if they would just pull further in towards the kerbdrh space.

 30 seconds later

Has this person fallen asleep? Is there an emergency situation? I want to beep my horn, but I’m scared I get arrested by the police in the van behind me. Oh god one of the policemen is getting out of the van, can they read minds now? I only thought about beeping I didn’t actually do it.


It’s okay the policeman has walked past my car to the one in front which STILL hasn’t moved. There is quite a large back log of traffic as a result. Hurry up please, some of us have a lot of Christmas panicking and eating still to do, don’t be selfish. Policeman has tapped on the window of the car in front and is now completely unnecessarily directing the traffic so that this blue car can manoeuvre its way out of this ENORMOUS gap. I’m a bit embarrassed for the blue car, I hope they have a nice Christmas and don’t get hung up on the fact they can’t drive very well.


Okay, we’re clear. I’m homeward bound. I think the lesson we can take from this excursion is that I need to better manage my time so that I don’t end up in situations like this one, which, although quite humorous on reflection are really just a huge inconvenience. Every day is a school day.