Hogmano-no

After a few quiet days at Christmas I’ve headed back to Glasgow for Hogmanay. We’re going to our friend’s house outside of Glasgow, 20 of us. We’re like a rent-a-crowd. This morning before we go we’re all off to Stravaigan for brunch. I’ve ordered Chipotle Beans on toast because I’m generally adverse to anything involving eggs but weirdly can be partial to an omelette. I’m getting off track. I’ve asked the waiter to bring some hot sauce and he’s returned with a little pot of Tabasco which I’ve sprinkled over my food quite generously.

3 minutes later

My nose is running a lot, I’ve definitely overdone the Tabasco. I really should have tasted the beans first.

2 minutes later

Wow I am uncomfortable. I feel very tense, I don’t want to show weakness, but I think if I relax my face even a little bit I might start to cry.

Another 2 minutes later

Okay I’m done. The food is finished. I completed it. I’m now gulping water and my mouth has sort of returned to normal, but I think it might take a couple of hours to completely regain the feeling in the left side of my tongue.

We’ve paid the bill and Cait, Sophie and I are going to Lidl on the way home to buy supplies for the evening ahead. Some people have asked us to get theirs because it’s cheaper. Off we go then. To Lidl. On Hogmanay. In Glasgow. Buzzing.

In Lidl

This is absolute chaos. CHAOS. There are people everywhere excluding on the actual shelves, and annoyingly the queue for the self-service checkouts snakes directly back into the alcohol aisle where it seems everyone and their granny is deciding between Prosecco or Cava.

I’ve decided to take myself to the soft drinks aisle. So far, the people seem to be less aggressive in this area of the shop.

30 seconds later

I spoke too soon. As I was reaching for an apple juice my basket was barged out of the way by someone advancing towards the diet tonic. Loud noises are starting to frighten me.

1 minute later

Update: sudden movements are also making me a bit jumpy.

In the freezer aisle

This section is without a doubt the calmest area of the shop. I think I’ll stay here for a little bit of reprieve. I can see Sophie and Caitlin in the alcohol aisle still, I don’t think they need my help. I’ll just wait here for them to come and get me with my basket full of soft drinks and a heart full of fear.

Back in the car

Thank GOD. That was terrifying. I think I seen a man frothing at the mouth at one point near the discounted Brie. I am not cut out out for Hogmanay alcohol shopping, no siree.

What I will say is that now that I’m out of there I can see my experience more clearly and what I’ve realised is I am pathetic. Man up, am I right? Seriously though, it’s a tale as old as me - mainly because I always do this. If you fail to prepare, you prepare to fail (or at least find yourself crying in Lidl next to the frozen pizzas). Next Hogmanay I vow to buy my supplies in November so as to avoid causing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Happy New Year one and all.